Making New Friends

I have always had issues making new friends, even though I enjoy meeting new people and spending time with others.  Call me a social introvert.  But now as an adult I find that it is even harder, especially since I became a stay-at-home-mom. 

All the friends that I made when we were forced to take classes, play sports, and live together now live all over the country.  Many years where most of your social interaction is through social media and text messaging start to make your friends seem imaginary.  I mean I'm sure I still have friends right?  So what if I haven't had face to face contact in over a year. Totally normal.

The ultimate doom for me I have found is that my oldest has special needs.  So a lot of conversations when he was little would go like this:

Other mom: Oh he's adorable! How old is he?
me: 16 months.
other mom:  Is he walking yet?  Aaron just started!  We are so excited!
me: nope.
in my head: (and he never will)

Awkward silence.  Other mom smiles nervously because I have a weird pondering look on my face and she walks away.  Ten minutes later I am convincing myself that it's okay that conversation went so terribly because our kids probably wouldn't have played together anyway.

5 years later and here I am still a social pariah.  GG (my oldest with Spina Bifida) has 2 younger siblings; BB who is a 3 year old boy and BH who is a 11 month old girl. 

We go to the children's museum, we go to the park.  I see other mom's who understand how to interact like normal human beings, making friends with each other. And I am sitting there messing with my phone talking loudly to my son (talking loud to a 3 year old is normal right?) I even joined a moms group for meeting up.  I went to the park greeted everyone, told them my name, and I felt like I didn't belong there.  It was just so awkward.  Only one other mother chatted with me and I knew she wouldn't work when she told me her husband is overweight and lazy(definitely someone my husband would not get a long with).  So I went home depressed wondering if maybe I have resting bitch face. (it's gotta be something like that). 

It's not that I haven't had conversations with other moms.  Just two days ago I was at the children's museum and a mom came up to me.  She would have been a perfect friend.  She was dressed normal no tatoos (not really sure why but I seem to attract those moms,  definitely must have resting bitch face).  Seemed like she actually took care of herself but didn't have a ton of makeup on (some moms seem to dress for the playground like they are going to a party).  And our conversation when like this:

Other mom: How old is she?
Me: 11 months
Other mom: Oh. she's adorable!
Me: thanks (that's the right reply to that compliment right?)
awkward silence as we watch our kids be complete weirdos (BB is yelling that everything is on fire her kids are fighting over the fire engine steering wheel)
Me: How old are yours?
Other Mom: Oh Ian is 3 and a half and Molly is 2 (not the real names in case magically I become friends with her)
Me: Aww (why did I say aww there?) He (pointing to BB not giving name) is 3 and a half too
Other Mom: great!
awkward silence
Me: haha they are so crazy, sorry my guy is a bit of a bad influence he climbs on everything (the kids are all climbing out the back window of the cab of the firetruck)
Other Mom: oh no it's great I like them being able to play with other kids who climb.  It's good learning for them!

And that was it.  That was the entire conversation.  I spent the entire drive home smacking myself in the head thinking why wouldn't you say something like "My name is such and such what is yours?" "Do you guys live around here maybe we should have a playdate" or you know maybe, I don't know, said your kid's names!

It's like trying to date all over again.  And just like when I tried to date I am terrible at it.  I was always a bad flirt and I could never tell when guys were interested in me.  Even when it was obvious.  My husband is a happy accident.  I am lucky I met him in college or I would have died alone because there is no way I would have been able to meet anyone outside of work and all the guys I worked with when I got out of college were old and married.  (which is super not my style)

I know I'm not alone out there with this.  I see stuff online about it all the time.  When did we forget how to interact with each other?  Or did we ever know how?  I can't be like my son and go up to women and be like "Do you want to play with me?"  but I guess I could say "Do you want to have a playdate for our kids?"